We all have all three instincts—but one of them tends to drive us more than the others.
Start by reading the three primary instinct groups below:
Each person has a Primary Instinct that drives their behavior, a Secondary Instinct that supports or complicates it, and a Blind Spot that often gets ignored or distorted.
These combinations create six unique Instinct Stacks. This quiz will help you identify the one that fits you best.
Pick the one that feels most like you. Don’t overthink it—just go with the one that pulls at you or feels familiar.
Once you’ve chosen your Primary Instinct, read the two deeper descriptions below to see which description fits best. At the end of each description there is a link to a longer explanation.
- I often feel like I’m trying to stay ahead of danger—financially, emotionally, physically
- I default to preparing, fixing, insulating, or minimizing risk
- I may feel deeply alone, even when others are around
→ You may be SP/So/sx or SP/Sx/so
- I want deep connection—but fear losing myself in it
- I tend to form intense bonds, sometimes too fast or too hard
- I often feel invisible or like I’m “too much”
→ You may be SX/So/sp or SX/Sp/so
- I scan for cues about who has influence and who doesn't
- I want to understand group dynamics and where I stand
- I sometimes feel pressure to perform or signal my value
→ You may be SO/Sp/sx or SO/Sx/sp
You tend to move through life with a strong need for control, security, and preparation. Whether it’s managing your time, money, health, or emotions, you’re often scanning for what could go wrong and trying to stay ahead of it. You likely feel more comfortable when things are calm, predictable, and under your direction. But beneath this self-sufficiency, there’s often a deeper struggle with disconnection—either from people or from meaning. You might feel like you carry everything alone. Even when things look fine on the outside, your nervous system may still be braced for the next hit.
Compare SP/So/sx and SP/Sx/so below
You’re pragmatic and often self-contained, but you care deeply about where you stand in the group. You might not seek the spotlight, but you do want to feel respected, accepted, and part of something. Belonging matters—but only once your basic needs are under control. You may monitor how others are doing and adapt to keep the peace or avoid rejection. While you might not chase intensity or personal transformation, you value being included and useful. You may feel like you’re always performing some version of yourself to stay safe in social settings without ever fully relaxing into them.
You’re wired for privacy and control, but part of you still longs for deep intensity with someone who really sees you. You may avoid group settings or public attention, preferring raw one-on-one connections that feel safe enough to let your guard down. You don’t need many people—but the ones you let in, you let in all the way. You can come across as mysterious or hard to reach. You may struggle with feeling emotionally cut off, yearning for closeness but unsure how to get there without compromising your independence or safety.
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You’re wired for intensity. You move toward people, ideas, or experiences that spark something powerful in you—connection, chemistry, transformation. You may find yourself obsessing over what (or who) feels most alive. You want more than safety or approval—you want contact that wakes you up. But sustaining that intensity can be hard. You may feel misunderstood, too much, or like the world moves at half-speed. It’s common to swing between craving closeness and pulling away when it gets too vulnerable or dull. Deep down, you’re often scanning for something that makes you feel fully alive—and fully seen.
Compare SX/Sp/so and SX/So/sp below
You want intimacy that feels real—raw, transformative, and deep—but you don’t give your trust easily. You might look independent or self-contained on the outside, but inside, you’re always scanning for that one person (or project) who gets you. You protect your vulnerability fiercely, sometimes pushing people away just to see if they’ll come closer. You’re intense, but private—craving fusion while guarding your autonomy. Others may not realize how sensitive or loyal you are, because you tend to show strength first. You often wrestle with how to let someone fully in without losing the solid ground you've worked so hard to build.
You’re drawn to people with charisma, vision, or edge—and often want to become one yourself. Your relationships tend to be electric, social, and emotionally charged. You move toward connection quickly and instinctively—sometimes before you fully understand your own motives. You may shape-shift to maintain closeness or status, using charm, intensity, or passion to hold attention. Underneath, you’re hungry for mutual recognition—someone who sees the fire in you and reflects it back. You often thrive in dynamic environments where relationships and shared energy fuel you. But you may struggle to slow down, self-regulate, or come back to your own center.
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You’re attuned to people—how they feel, how they behave, and where you fit among them. You likely sense subtle shifts in group dynamics, and part of you is always adjusting to maintain connection or avoid disapproval. Whether or not you consider yourself social, you care deeply about shared reality: being understood, being respected, being in. You often monitor your behavior, even unconsciously, to avoid being too much, too little, or out of sync. At your core is a drive to belong—but that drive can sometimes eclipse your own needs, emotions, or sense of self.
Compare SO/Sx/sp and SO/Sp/sx below
You work hard to be good, dependable, and appropriate—someone others can rely on. You’re often scanning for what’s expected of you and trying to meet it without causing waves. You may sacrifice your own comfort or desires to maintain peace or avoid judgment. While you’re sensitive to group norms, you tend to downplay your emotional needs and keep things practical. Others may see you as balanced and put-together, but not realize how much energy goes into keeping things stable behind the scenes. Deep connection sounds appealing—but only when it feels safe, consistent, and unlikely to throw things off.
You crave resonance—not just fitting in, but feeling felt. You want to be recognized not just for what you do, but for who you are underneath. You likely move toward groups or causes that give you a sense of identity and emotional intensity. When it clicks, you can feel lit up, expressive, even magnetic. But you may also worry about being too much—or not enough—and try to shape how you’re seen. You want others to see the real you, but can end up performing a version of yourself to keep their attention, connection, or affection.
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